{"id":684,"date":"2010-09-14T16:45:58","date_gmt":"2010-09-14T20:45:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/?p=684"},"modified":"2010-09-14T16:45:58","modified_gmt":"2010-09-14T20:45:58","slug":"the-three-simultaneous-exchanges-in-mediation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/the-three-simultaneous-exchanges-in-mediation\/","title":{"rendered":"The Three Simultaneous Exchanges in Mediation"},"content":{"rendered":"

Of the many skilled mediators I have been privileged to know, few are more insightful and articulate than Robert Creo<\/a>.\u00a0 Bob recently shared a terrific perspective over a tasty lunch: That three discussions, or dances, inform a negotiated settlement discussion, and only one of them is acknowledged by the parties.\u00a0 The mediator who acknowledges all three is in a better position to manage expectations and to find a viable solution.<\/p>\n

The first of these is moral indignation.\u00a0 This is a hard-wired response, a connection to some primal sense of justice.\u00a0 One party thinks that the other did something wrong, \u00a0something that their mother or their priest would be ashamed of them for doing.\u00a0 The accused party either denies it or refuses to acknowledge it.\u00a0 But that sense of “you did a bad thing\/no I didn’t” is at the table.<\/p>\n

The second is the\u00a0feeling of disappointment, or betrayal.\u00a0\u00a0Before this happened,\u00a0the parties trusted each other.\u00a0 One of them never dreamed that the other would behave this way.\u00a0 Their friendship, or trust, or past regard for each other has been seriously compromized.\u00a0 “I never thought she would do this to me” is also at the table.<\/p>\n

The third is the money.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Creo is not saying that the money is a disguise for the other two.\u00a0 He’s saying that when someone says “She owes me money” what\u00a0is really happening is “She did a bad thing and she betrayed my personal trust and our friendship.\u00a0 Plus, she owes me money.”<\/p>\n

Creo is reminding us that relationships in dispute are still relationships, and that they are not only about money.\u00a0 Respecting the perceptions of injustice and betrayal is as important as focusing on the money.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mediators are taught to “go below the line” or to “find hidden interests.” One master mediator suggests a different approach: managing three exchanges at the same time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,14],"tags":[15],"class_list":["post-684","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-conflict-resolution","category-mediation","tag-mediation"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t