{"id":851,"date":"2011-05-10T10:56:00","date_gmt":"2011-05-10T14:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/?p=851"},"modified":"2011-05-10T10:56:00","modified_gmt":"2011-05-10T14:56:00","slug":"bedlam-in-the-boardroom-and-boredom-in-the-bedroom-a-new-book-by-jane-gunn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/2011\/05\/bedlam-in-the-boardroom-and-boredom-in-the-bedroom-a-new-book-by-jane-gunn\/","title":{"rendered":""Bedlam in the Boardroom and Boredom in the Bedroom": A New Book by Jane Gunn"},"content":{"rendered":"

Jane Gunn’s new book is the first ADR volume I have read whose introduction begins “This is not a sex manual!”<\/strong><\/p>\n

Well, neither is it a self-help book, nor a reminder of the virtues of candid conversation, nor a refresher on the teachings of the Buddha or Jesus.\u00a0 Yet all that and more can be found in How to Beat Bedlam in the Boardroom and Boredom in the Bedroom<\/a><\/em> (HotHive Books 2010).<\/p>\n

\"How<\/a><\/a><\/p>\n

This is not a book intended for mediators seeking to improve their skills, or for business clients seeking to manage their litigation portfolios.\u00a0 It is for human beings who wish to improve the way they live with other human beings.\u00a0 And it accomplishes its goal by contrasting business and personal conflicts and showing (guess what?) that they push the same buttons, walk into the same frailties, compromise our effectiveness and happiness in the same ways, and can be managed better with the same tools.<\/p>\n

So many of the precautions in the book are familiar: watching for the warning signs of conflict in a professional or personal relationship; seeking information on why the other person is upset; generating alternative scenarios to what you thought was going on; confronting people or competitors with values different from your own.<\/p>\n

Yet Jane Gunn’s voice is of encouragement rather than pedantry; of empathy rather than instruction.\u00a0 She gently warns us against making assumptions about people’s motives, and entertainingly explains why.\u00a0 She reminds us that ego and self-regard are dominant psychological traits in us all, and that when someone gets angry or rejects us we feel hurt and angry in return.\u00a0 She reframes the entire “win-lose” dichotomy by opening up the rich possibilities of living in a way that places no special value on vindication or attaining specific goals.<\/p>\n

One particularly useful chapter is “The Art of True Conversation,” in which she reminds us of the core of interactivity:\u00a0 What messages are and are not; what we might listen for when someone speaks to us; why we reflect back what we’ve heard and how we can do a better job of it; the importance of assuring the other speaker that you understand what they are saying and perceive and respect why they are saying it; the skill of adding one’s own interpretation of what has been heard, in order to further the communicative journey and encourage the other person to trust;\u00a0the “gift” of assuring someone that they have been heard.<\/p>\n

Jane Gunn’s book is a guide for living as well as for working.\u00a0 It is beneficial for all of us to pick it up now and then and leaf through its pages for cogent, gently offered reminders of how we can all do better in dealing kindly and attentively with others.<\/p>\n

\"2318_outlook202010202b20e-mail20-20conversations203d\"\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jane Gunn’s new book takes an unorthodox and personal approach to negotiation, mediation, problem-solving, conflict and balance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,37,26],"tags":[8,12,27],"class_list":["post-851","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-conflict-resolution","category-negotiation","category-teaching","tag-adr","tag-culture","tag-teaching"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/851","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=851"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/851\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=851"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=851"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.businessconflictmanagement.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=851"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}